


Kaleidoscope

by seblaiens



Series: Ribs [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Age Difference, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Infidelity, M/M, Overdosing, drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 07:32:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3561410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seblaiens/pseuds/seblaiens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian is having a bad night. Really bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kaleidoscope

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by TiburonWriter.

The air inside Hunter’s apartment was stifling. There were at least fifty people crammed into the small space of a living room with an attached kitchen, and the smoke of a hookah in one corner mixed with the thick smell of weed in the kitchen. The windows were closed because Hunter was paranoid that his neighbors would call the cops if they realized it wasn’t just a harmless party.

Sebastian sat in the corner far away from the kitchen, a lit cigarette in one of his hands and a cup filled with expensive vodka in the other. He’d been sipping it ever since he had stepped inside, preferring the harsh taste of the vodka over the calorie bomb that is beer. It also made him drunk faster, which always turned him into the life of the party, with people wanting to be around him, listening to his stories and basking in his glow.

Now though, everybody hung on Hunter’s lips, leaving Sebastian forgotten in the corner he chose for himself, sitting cross-legged on a loveseat with nobody brave enough to approach him.

Sebastian closed his eyes, straining his ears to listen to the music coming from Hunter’s stereo. It was quiet for a party, partly because of Hunter’s paranoia, and partly because nobody is here to actually celebrate. Nobody is happy.

“I can give you a gram for two hundred fifty.”

Sebastian opened his eyes again, fixating on Hunter’s face. The other man had finally escaped from the gaggle of girls and boys who want nothing more than to suck Hunter’s cock to get their fifteen minutes of fame for fucking a celebrity. Instead of bathing in all of that, he searched solace in Sebastian’s corner. Sebastian felt oddly attacked, but he can’t throw Hunter out of his own home.

“That’s almost double what you charged me before,” Sebastian drawled. “I don’t need coke that badly.”

“Suit yourself.” Hunter shrugged but stayed next to Sebastian. Their bodies touched from their shoulders down to their ankles, but Sebastian couldn't find it in himself to move away.

“I have no idea how you did it,” Hunter said after a while, keeping his voice low enough so nobody else would be able to hear him. Sebastian thought it was pointless. Everybody here was high enough to not remember anything specific the next day.

“Being the center of everybody’s attention, I mean. I fucking hate all of them,” Hunter added after a few seconds of Sebastian not answering.

“I like it when people like me,” Sebastian shrugged.

“You’re not like the rest of them.”

“That doesn’t make me a better person.”

Hunter rolled his eyes. “One hundred if you blow me.”

Sebastian bit his lip before nodding. It was a fair price, after all.

~

Sebastian was sure most of the people had left by the time he zips up Hunter’s pants and rolls over on the other side of Hunter’s bed. It was dark inside the bedroom, partly illuminated only by the moon and the yellow light of a small lamp that stood on the ground next to Hunter’s side of the bed. The bed was soft, but the rest of the room made Sebastian more uncomfortable than the silence of his own apartment. The walls were bare and clothes were strewn around carelessly. It all felt so unloved.

Sebastian licked over his lips, tastes some of the remnants of Hunter’s come on them. Goosebumps appeared down his arms and he shuddered when he swallowed, he’s so disgusted by himself.

“Here,” Hunter said and threw a small, clear plastic bag filled with the white powder onto Sebastian’s chest. “Pay me when you can.”

Sebastian nodded, glad Hunter didn’t ask for cash right away. Sebastian had learned early not to take too much money to parties like this, for his own good.

He’d still debated whether or not to do a line right then and there, when he heard the music getting turned up in the living room. Clearly the socializing and getting high part of the party was over and the slutty dancing and hooking up had begun. Hunter gave him his debit card, a small silver tray, and a rolled up five dollar bill when he saw Sebastian staring holes into the door.

“Don’t take it personally, but I’d rather not be around you while you make bad decisions,” Hunter said before he heaved himself up from the bed and walked over to the locked door that lead into the living room. He stopped after opening it and turned around to look at Sebastian again.

“Anderson is thinking about relocating to New York, by the way. Just thought you might want to know.”

Sebastian was too perplexed to ask Hunter where he heard that rumor. He felt betrayed. Blaine had never talked about moving away from California before.  And now, just a few weeks after their talk in Sebastian’s apartment, he was considering leaving his empire behind? Sebastian swallowed hard and opened the packet, his shaking hands letting the powder fall onto the tray which sat on the bed. He took the card to crush the little rocks into a smooth powder, then parts the small amount he shook out of the packet into two thin lines parallel to each other.

Symmetry had always been important to him, and just looking at the two perfect lines makes him feel calmer about Blaine’s betrayal.

He snorted them up, and after a moment of hesitation he tipped out the rest of the cocaine. Caution be damned, this is a special occasion, and if other people were allowed to eat an entire tub of ice cream when they’re sad, he should be allowed to treat himself, too.

He got four more lines out of the rest, and he regrets it almost immediately. His nose felt stuffy, but he doesn’t want to blow it and waste the rest of the coke. Sebastian licked his fingers to scoop up the rest of it from the tray and out of the bag, rubbing it on his gums. He would not give Hunter the satisfaction of leaving him some.

The music from outside of the room picked up, and Sebastian knew it was only a question of maybe twenty more minutes until he felt like going out and dancing. He just hoped enough willing guys would be left by the time he got high.

Sebastian lay back on the bed, grabbing one pillow in his arms and cuddling into it, his face pressed into the cold sheets. Everything smelled like Hunter, a smell he neither hated nor liked. He just got used to it after months spent around Hunter and in his apartment. _Or when sucking his dick_ , his brain added, but Sebastian refused to feel bad about it. He was an adult, and he could do what he wanted.

And if that was drugs, or Hunter, or whatever else that _Blaine_ thought was bad for him, then fuck it.

It took only roughly ten minutes before Sebastian started feeling restless, tossing and turning on the bed until he finally stood up with a sigh, walking out through the door to where everyone was dancing. Sebastian walked over to Hunter, who was smoking shisha with some of his friends, people Sebastian only knows from passing. They greeted him, some of them probably thinking he had just joined the party.

“You have some under your nose,” Hunter mumbled into Sebastian’s ear when he sat down, his leg bouncing up and down.

Sebastian licked it away, then used his finger when Hunter shook his head to indicate there was still some left.

“Pretty sad that you have to take stuff like that to become a successful member of society,” Hunter said quietly as he passed the pipe to Sebastian, who denied. He doesn’t have a mouth applicator for the end of the hose, and he doesn’t want to share herpes with some of the more questionable people at the party.

“You’re not a very good salesman,” Sebastian answered, not bothering to point out Hunter’s own usage. He would only argue that he wasn’t addicted and only took it socially, which Sebastian thought was bullshit. Straight-up bullshit, which probably made up eighty percent of Hunter’s personality.

“Doesn’t seem to discourage you.”

Sebastian ignored him and got up again, not able to sit for a prolonged time. He walked over to the people smoking weed in the kitchen to get a new cup of vodka, not remembering where he had put his old one.

“Hey Bas,” one of the guys of the group exclaimed happily, throwing one arm around Sebastian and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Sebastian dimly remembered his name being Clemont, some guy from France who had taken a liking to Sebastian from the moment they had met. Sebastian found him amusing  because he wasn’t American.

“Hey yourself,” Sebastian answered, stroking over the guy's back before looking around the group he was with. There were a few familiar faces, Kitty and Sugar smiling at him and mumbling quiet hellos. Sebastian wondered if all of Blaine’s models were attending this party, but even if they were he didn’t know all of them and wouldn’t be able to put a name to half of them.

“I got something fun,” Clemont giggled into Sebastian’s ear before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small glass bottle with clear liquid in it.

“What’s that?” Sebastian asked. He hasn’t seen it before, but he trusted Clemont enough to actually know something about drugs.

“GHB.”

“Isn’t that the date rape drug?” Sebastian asked with raised eyebrows. He would like to actually recall the evening tomorrow, or else he would have spent one hundred dollars to not remember taking cocaine.

“Those are roofies, silly,” Clemont cuddled into his side and held the bottle up to his face. “Just take a little.”

Sebastian shrugged. He would google the drug tomorrow, if he remembered to do so. He unscrewed the bottle and took a tiny sip, wincing at the salty taste before giving it back to Clemont.

“That’s just gross,” Sebastian claimed, which made the little group he had walked into laugh. Sebastian relaxed, fully in his element now, with people laughing with him and enjoying his presence. He completely forgot about his alcohol and instead gratefully accepted a joint and a lighter someone handed him.

...

It took about twenty more minutes until he felt absolutely awful. He was sweating, and his heart was racing a mile a minute. He had trouble breathing and his head hurt. Sebastian had never felt like that before, and he grabbed his chest when his heart started hurting. He had no idea if he’s having a heart attack, but he thought that’s supposed to feel different from how he was feeling right now. At least he had this one, silver lining.

He stumbled into Hunter’s empty bedroom again, lying down on the bed before he pulled his phone out. He needed help, he knew that, and he was not stubborn enough to let himself die because of an overdose.

“Sebastian? What’s wrong?” Blaine’s sleepy but alert voice spoke up after a few rings of Sebastian’s phone.

“I don’t feel good,” Sebastian whined. He thought he might throw up soon, but he doesn’t want to move, the room spinning around him. He closed his eyes to avoid motion sickness, but it only intensified his nausea.

“Why? Where are you?”

“I’m at Hunter’s, can you come get me?”

“Goddamnit, Sebastian, I swear I’ll kill you myself one day,” Blaine sounded mad, and Sebastian felt tears escaping from his eyes. _Traitors_ , he thought, trying desperately to blink them away.

“I’m sorry.”

He could hear Blaine sigh at the other end of the line.

“I’m getting dressed right now, please try to survive for the next twenty minutes. I’m driving you to the hospital.”

“I don’t want to go to the hospital,” Sebastian groaned. He didn’t understand why Blaine doesn’t get that Sebastian just needed _him_ right now, to be held in his arms and be told that he’s not at fault for what happened to him in his life.

“If you don’t want me to drive you there then I’m not even gonna bother getting you,” Blaine said. He was still so angry, but Sebastian didn’t know how to make him feel better. Blaine was still such an enigma to him.

There was some mumbling in the background, and Sebastian realized that Blaine wasn’t alone.

“Who’s there with you?”

“What?” Blaine clearly didn’t listen to him, his attention fixed on whoever was with him.

Sebastian repeated himself.

“It’s my husband,” Blaine said, and Sebastian could hear Blaine putting on clothes while still somehow keeping his phone to his ear, “I’ll be there in twenty minutes, don’t move.”

Sebastian only had a few seconds to agree before Blaine disconnected the call.

~

Blaine showed up almost half an hour later. Sebastian hadn’t moved one bit from where he had collapsed in Hunter’s bed, his heart rate speeding up as if he had run ten miles before calming down to a normal pace again, repeating this process every few minutes. He was hot and nauseous, and cold sweat had broken out all over his body after his phone call with Blaine.

“Can you stand up?” Blaine asked after Hunter had found him in the bedroom, the other model not having any idea of Sebastian’s whereabouts.

“I thought he went home,” Hunter shrugged as Blaine helped Sebastian sit up, putting his hand on Sebastian’s forehead to check his temperature.

“You’re burning up,” Blaine mumbled, stroking his other hand up and down Sebastian’s back.

“I think I want to go to the hospital now,” Sebastian replied, closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at Blaine’s concerned and disappointed face. He hates that he makes Blaine feel that way, that he can’t function normally enough to make someone who wasn’t as fucked up as him fall for him.

“I already called ahead; they’re getting your room ready.”

Blaine held him as they made their way down to his car, leaving behind Hunter and the few people that still sat around talking or had passed out somewhere in the apartment’s living room. Sebastian was glad Blaine didn’t say anything about the party, but the silence between them was as uncomfortable as an argument would be. It only took two minutes in Blaine’s car before Sebastian wished he would scream at him for being so stupid.

“Is this a new car?” Sebastian asked when he realized he’s sitting in a different vehicle than the one Blaine had driven him home in a few weeks ago. The seats were a cream color and a huge display in the console was the only light from inside the car.

“It’s a Tesla,” Blaine explained absent-mindedly, looking out of the window to search for the hospital he had called before. “My husband bought it for me for our anniversary.”

“How many years?” Sebastian asked, even though he didn’t really want to know. He just wanted to hear Blaine talk. His voice distracted Sebastian from his racing heart and the sweat dripping down his back. He had the irrational fear that he would leave sweaty spots on Blaine’s pristine new seats.

“We’ve been married since it became legal in New York,” Blaine paused for a few seconds, turning left at an intersection. Sebastian had to swallow back bile that gathered in his mouth. “But we’ve been together for almost twenty years.”

“Fuck,” Sebastian laughed humorlessly, “to think you can still stand each other after that long.”

Blaine was quiet until they turned up on the hospitals parking lot.

“Tell me what you took before we go in. I’d rather hear you say it before some doctor tells me.”

“Um, coke,” Sebastian tried to remember the evening, but details were already fuzzy in his head, “probably alcohol. And something else, I forgot the name.”

“Nothing else?”

“I don’t think so.”

Blaine sighed and got out of the car, pulling Sebastian after him when he managed to climb out of the car with great difficulties.

“I hope this is a wakeup call for you.” It was the last thing Blaine said to him that evening before giving him over to the care of the doctors.

~

Sebastian woke up to the hushed sounds of a conversation. The voices were loaded with venom, biting at each other while still trying to keep calm to not wake him.

“I can’t just leave him alone, he needs me here. All of them need me here, they’re would have to find a new manager and the rest are horrible.”

“I don’t care! You promised me you would only stay for a few more months, and it’s almost been two years, Blaine!”

It was Blaine and his husband, fighting about Sebastian. Sebastian wanted nothing more than fall asleep again, but he opened his eyes anyway. He was inside a hospital room, the color white predominant, blinding him with the combination of sunlight streaming in from the big window to his right.

He didn’t remember why he was here, but he guessed it had something to do with drugs. It’s _him_ , after all.  Why else would he be in the hospital?

Blaine and his husband must be near the door, because Sebastian couldn’t see them out of the corner of his eye. He was too scared of interrupting their conversation to turn his head.

“I’m really sorry, Kurt, but my career is important to me.”

“Seems like that is the only thing that’s important to you anymore.”

“That’s not fair,” Blaine whined, and Sebastian could imagine him crossing his arms in front of his body, didn’t have to look at him to know the serious yet annoyed expression on Blaine’s face. “It’s not like you couldn’t have moved to California.”

“You know how much I love New York, it’s been my dream to live there ever since high school. Don’t try to guilt trip me into following you blindly wherever you go.” Blaine’s husband sounded exasperated; almost as if that’s not the first time he had to explain himself to Blaine. Sebastian suddenly felt a pang of guilt for his behavior towards Blaine in the past. His husband didn’t deserve him cheating while he was waiting in New York.

“I know, I’m sorry Kurt. I thought living away from each other for a while would make things easier.”

There was a lull in conversation in which Sebastian could hear Blaine’s breathing over the beeping of the machine next to his own bed.

“We can’t run away from our problems anymore,” Kurt spoke up after a while. “It feels as if I haven’t seen you since we got married.”

“I know,” Blaine sighed, and Sebastian knows how hard it is for him to talk about this stuff. “I’m just scared we'll realize that we’re not meant for each other.”

They were silent for another while, before Kurt talked again, “I met someone.”

“I don’t think it’s time and place to discuss that.”

“If not now, when then? You can’t keep putting your life on hold for him, or else I will go forward without you!” Sebastian could practically feel Kurt staring at him, and he tried his best to pretend to be sleeping, but the beeping of his heart monitor betrayed him. His heart was beating fast, scared of what Kurt will have to say to him, scared of the possibility of him knowing about the kisses Blaine and Sebastian shared while Kurt was waiting at home for his _husband_.

“It’s not just Sebastian. Please, can we just talk about it at home?” Blaine begged, walking up and down the small hospital room.

“Have you been cheating on me?”

“Kurt! Please!”

“It’s not like it would be the first time. Just that the first time you were honest and open about it.”

Sebastian felt so uncomfortable, stuck pretending to be asleep even though everyone in the room knew that he heard the whole conversation. He started sweating, beads of cold fluid running down his back, and he wasn’t sure if it’s because he was scared of Kurt or because of the drugs he had taken the day before.

Blaine was quiet.

“How long has it been going on?” Kurt asked, walking over to where Blaine was standing.

“How long have you been in love with someone else?” Blaine countered. They were quiet again, so Sebastian pretended to wake up.

“Hey, good morning,” Blaine said when Sebastian turned onto his side, away from the window. Kurt walked out of the room without looking back, and Sebastian never got the chance to look at his face.

“How are you feeling?” Blaine asked, crouching down on the floor next to Sebastian’s bed.

“’M thirsty,” Sebastian answered after clearing his throat, his voice cracking while he speaks.

“I’ll call the nurse,” Blaine said, standing up and walking out of the room. Sebastian knew he could have just pressed the button at the bed, but Blaine probably just wanted some space before having yet another serious discussion, this time with Sebastian instead of Kurt.

Sebastian tried to sit up and realized he had a needle in his arm, connecting him to a drip standing next to his bed. He was in a private room, which meant Blaine probably paid out his pocket for his stay in the hospital – Sebastian’s health care wasn’t the best in the world. It looked more like hotel room than a hospital, if it wasn’t for the specialized bed and the smell so distinct to hospitals.

…

Blaine came back after about five minutes with a glass of water in his hand, a doctor with a clipboard following him into Sebastian’s room.

“Good morning, Mr. Smythe, I’m Amelia. Good to see you’re feeling well enough to sit up,” she smiled at him. _She’s pretty_ , Sebastian realized, taking in her dark skin and long, black curls. _She would make it in modeling if she lost a few pounds and got her teeth bleached._

“I’m not too bad,” Sebastian said, trying his best to smile at her. If he behaved as normal as possible, there would be fewer consequences later – he had heard of people who made a big deal out of waking up after overdosing and having to be sedated because they refuse to be treated.

“I already discussed further treatment with your uncle,” Sebastian’s eyes flickered towards Blaine, who had moved to look out of the window, and he wondered how in the earth Blaine had convinced the people here that they were related, “but we need you to accept one of the options.”

Sebastian nodded, fidgeting a little. He didn’t like that Blaine had consulted the doctors without Sebastian’s consent, had probably talked about his history with drugs without Sebastian there to intervene.

“You will have to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, and if you’re seen as a danger to yourself you will be admitted to a psychiatric hospital, or another rehab constitution. If the doctor believes you are stable, you are free to go or stay as you like.”

Sebastian nodded again. He didn’t want to be admitted to rehab, so he would have to make a good impression with the psychiatrist. To heighten his chance of being seen as stable, he would need to make sure Blaine had no chance to talk to the doctor alone.

…

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said after the doctor left the room. Blaine still had his back turned towards Sebastian, his light gray suit fitting his body so well that all Sebastian could suddenly think about was Blaine in his bed. He still felt worse than usual, but whatever drugs the hospital had given him made him function almost normally.

“Blaine, please look at me,” he tried again. Blaine’s arms were crossed in front of him and his curls were wild. Sebastian wondered if he had stayed in the hospital that night, or if he had left Sebastian to cuddle back into bed with his husband.

“How much of my conversation with Kurt did you hear?” Blaine asked and turned around, still staying at the end of the room, as far away from Sebastian as he could be.

“Enough.”

“He doesn’t want me to stay here.”

Sebastian didn’t know if Blaine means Los Angeles or the hospital, but he didn’t want to make Blaine mad. If he wanted Blaine to help him get out of the hospital, he needed him on his good side.

“He thinks I’m in love with you,” Blaine continues, his eyes fixed on Sebastian’s. Sebastian restrained a shudder caused by the intense stare and tried his best to keep up eye contact, but it was hard. He wanted to look away, didn’t want the confirmation that Blaine didn’t feel anything more for him than what a manager should feel for his client.

“I told him that I could never be with someone who is making the same mistakes I made when I was young, and doesn’t take my advice to _stop_.”

Sebastian looked down at his blanket, followed the tube out from his crotch to his urine bag, and then tube that was put in his arm up to the half empty drip. _If this isn’t attractive, I don’t know what is,_ he thought darkly. _No wonder Blaine doesn’t want you._

“Damnit, Sebastian,” Blaine walked over to his bed and squatted down next to him, rubbing over his forehead and letting his head lay in his hand. He was not wearing his glasses, Sebastian noticed. “Just let me help you. You could be so much more than _this_.”

Sebastian turned onto his side, reaching out for Blaine. He let his hand stroke through the dark curls and linger on Blaine’s neck for a while, before Blaine looked up again. Their eyes locked again, before Blaine leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Sebastian’s forehead.

“You’re so special,” he whispered, “but I can’t do this to myself again.”

Tears gathered in Sebastian’s eyes.

This felt like a good-bye and he didn’t want this farewell with Blaine to before he ever had the chance to better himself. If Blaine promised to be there for him at the end of the road, Sebastian would try. He would do just about anything if Blaine just promised him something _more_.

“Kurt and I talked about getting a divorce a few years ago, when I had just relocated to Los Angeles. We agreed that time away from each other would maybe make things easier for us, but it didn’t work.”

Tears were freely falling from Sebastian’s eyes now, and he grabbed ahold of Blaine’s suit jacket as the older man stood up. Blaine plucked his hand away and walked around the bed, getting in behind Sebastian and wrapping his arms around his midsection.

“I’ll do my part if you do yours,” Blaine whispered, pressing his nose into Sebastian’s neck.

“I’ll do it,” Sebastian said quickly, grabbing Blaine’s warm hands with his own, cold ones, one of Sebastian’s fingers briefly brushing over Blaine’s wedding band, “I’ll go to rehab if you promise me you’ll be there waiting for me.”

Blaine didn’t answer, but he carefully squeezed Sebastian’s hand, intertwining their fingers in a silent promise. And for the first time, Sebastian thought that, _just maybe_ , he could do this.


End file.
